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Does the quality of your relationships – to family, friends, business connections – really matter?
According to research, having healthy social relationships predicts long-term happiness better than anything else. In fact, a recently completed Harvard study found that satisfaction with relationships also predicts our long-term health! [Harvard Study of Adult Development]
So, to have long, happy, and healthy lives, it’s worth investing in our relationships. How can we “optimize” our relationships with loved ones, work colleagues, and others in our community?
Much of the relationship advice you can find centers on what to say and do. For sure, some of this advice is very useful. For example, it’s useful to learn to express what we want, without coming across as critical or demanding.
However, there’s an important key that’s often overlooked: our emotional state.
Often when people express what they want, it’s after their emotional buttons have gotten pushed. Perhaps they think their partner is blaming or ignoring them, or not treating them with respect. And here’s the deal… If we’re feeling angry, or afraid the other person won’t hear us out, or any other strong emotion, then, no matter how good our communication skills are, it’s unlikely we’ll get a good response from the other person. It’s more likely that the other person goes into their own reactive mode, and gets their buttons pushed, even if we’re using all the right words!
Some of the most respected couples therapists report that when one or both partners are highly reactive, and go into a fight-or-flight response, there isn’t really a productive way forward – at least not until that reaction has calmed down.
**So, to be on the easy path to a healthier relationship means we need to have a way to transform our reactivity, that really works.**
Think of it this way. If I’m very reactive, it’s as though I’m walking through a minefield with my partner. At any moment, things could blow up in our faces.
It can help a little if we learn some better “moves”–some new communication techniques–this might allow us to chart a path, so we can navigate together through the minefield without getting blown up as often. That’s definitely an improvement. But it may take some heightened vigilance to pull it off. And sooner or later, we’ll probably take an unfortunate step.
But what if we could defuse the mines? Wouldn’t that be even better? Wouldn’t it be wonderful to walk freely through the terrain, without worrying about hidden dangers?
Another interesting discovery… Relationship research has shown that being judgmental of our partners is highly toxic to the relationship. However, it can be challenging to really give up these judgments, especially when we know we’re right! And if we’re still making judgments at an unconscious level, our communication probably won’t come across very well, even if we’re “saying all the right words.”
Experience more warmth and satisfaction in the present—while also enhancing your long-term happiness and health—by discovering the “missing key” to healthy relationships!
Join us (Tamara Andreas and Mark Andreas) for a free live video podcast, as we discuss powerfully effective ways to transform our relationships. We’ll cover:
Details
The live podcast is called... The Missing Key to Effective Relationship Work–Transforming Our Reactivity
Guest: Mark Andreas, Trainer with Andreas NLP
Host: Tamara Andreas, Trainer with Andreas NLP
Friday February 24th 2023 at 10:00am Denver Time, streamed live on YouTube. Check your time zone.
We're streaming live to YouTube. All you have to do is click the link and watch.
You can also register here to get email reminders.
During the live stream, you will be able to put your questions in the live chat.
Afterwards, a replay will be available at the same YouTube link.
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